Thursday, December 23, 2004
Writing, eh? I co-wrote and helped put on a panto whilst a tax/work/soap dodging student called "Reservoir Dwarves" which was basically a fairly adult/student take on the traditional panto. We wrote it (me and my mate Mark Crisp) starting from the following joke:
The Seven Dwarves were sitting around the kitchen table one Christmas, kicking their heels and working their way through the mulled wine when Doc's mobile phone rings:
Doc: "Yeah? Really? At the castle? All of us? Suh-weet! See you there! *hangs up* - right lads, it appears as though we've all been invited to a private night they are holding in the castle dungeons tonight. They've got some cool DJ's playing, and my mate reckons the place will be heaving with totty and recreational pharmaceuticals [Ed's note - just say no, kids]."
Happy: "Totty and recreational pharmaceuticals? You mean high ho's?"
Doc: "That's right! High ho's!"
*All Dwarves break into spirited rendition of "High Ho"*
And the whole panto pretty much continued in that vein, loads of contemporary film references cro-barred into the basic premise for "Snow White" (we tried to stay away from narcotic references in as far as we could help ourselves, we wanted it to be funny without gratuity…).
"How come I'm Mr. Dopey? Why can’t I be Mr. Grumpy?.. That's easy for you to say, you have a cool name, wanna swap, etc.?"
We had a band playing (I may - or may not - have played guitar…) all the songs we wrote into the script, like Evil Queen Evil (Evil Knievel? Oh well, please yourselves..) sang "Sweet Transvestite" from the Rocky Horror Show as his/her entrance, and we changed the words to fit the story, etc. I still have the script actually, would be awesome to put it on next year but would be a nightmare to sort out all the copyrights on the songs we used - unless we changed all the music slightly to avoid issues, etc.. Might have to look into it, perhaps even get around to finishing my other panto script, "Lock, Stock and One Smoking Lamp", which is more of the same but insert "Guy Ritchie" for "Quentin Tarantino".
"Where are we going to buy a second-hand oil lamp?"
"I know some magical folk that deal in junk like that. Pixies."
"Pixies? Oh you bast*rd! I f***in' hate Pixies!"
Et cetera.
Endless mileage, it's like shooting gags in a barrel.
The Seven Dwarves were sitting around the kitchen table one Christmas, kicking their heels and working their way through the mulled wine when Doc's mobile phone rings:
Doc: "Yeah? Really? At the castle? All of us? Suh-weet! See you there! *hangs up* - right lads, it appears as though we've all been invited to a private night they are holding in the castle dungeons tonight. They've got some cool DJ's playing, and my mate reckons the place will be heaving with totty and recreational pharmaceuticals [Ed's note - just say no, kids]."
Happy: "Totty and recreational pharmaceuticals? You mean high ho's?"
Doc: "That's right! High ho's!"
*All Dwarves break into spirited rendition of "High Ho"*
And the whole panto pretty much continued in that vein, loads of contemporary film references cro-barred into the basic premise for "Snow White" (we tried to stay away from narcotic references in as far as we could help ourselves, we wanted it to be funny without gratuity…).
"How come I'm Mr. Dopey? Why can’t I be Mr. Grumpy?.. That's easy for you to say, you have a cool name, wanna swap, etc.?"
We had a band playing (I may - or may not - have played guitar…) all the songs we wrote into the script, like Evil Queen Evil (Evil Knievel? Oh well, please yourselves..) sang "Sweet Transvestite" from the Rocky Horror Show as his/her entrance, and we changed the words to fit the story, etc. I still have the script actually, would be awesome to put it on next year but would be a nightmare to sort out all the copyrights on the songs we used - unless we changed all the music slightly to avoid issues, etc.. Might have to look into it, perhaps even get around to finishing my other panto script, "Lock, Stock and One Smoking Lamp", which is more of the same but insert "Guy Ritchie" for "Quentin Tarantino".
"Where are we going to buy a second-hand oil lamp?"
"I know some magical folk that deal in junk like that. Pixies."
"Pixies? Oh you bast*rd! I f***in' hate Pixies!"
Et cetera.
Endless mileage, it's like shooting gags in a barrel.
# posted by AK @ 10:40 
Comments:
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I was Doc in the school christmas play when I was 7 or 8.
If you want to write a new one for next year I'd be well up for assisting.
Could we get Jim Bowes to play a pantomime style Dame? And Alex Rebus as the principle boy?
If you want to write a new one for next year I'd be well up for assisting.
Could we get Jim Bowes to play a pantomime style Dame? And Alex Rebus as the principle boy?
Yeah, may well have to put on a local "scene" panto for charity or summat like that.. Jimbo could narrate it, I'm sure we could find a cast from somewhere…). Yes, it is a pretty bad joke though, I'm proud to say I thought of it all by myself. I'm slightly proud to say that it's not the worst joke in the panto - that title goes to:
Evil Queen Evil: "Right, I'm off to practice reaching over snooker tables as far as I can."
Magic Mirror: "Why's that then?"
EQE: "Because there's no rest for the wicked!"
Evil Queen Evil: "Right, I'm off to practice reaching over snooker tables as far as I can."
Magic Mirror: "Why's that then?"
EQE: "Because there's no rest for the wicked!"
Other gags worth mentioning mentioning from "Reservoir Dwarves":
Evil Queen Evil: "Have you seen where the best years of my life have gone, children?"
Audience: "THEY'RE BEHIND YOU!!!"
EQE: "Pantomimes are full of contradictions, aren't they children?"
A: "OH NO THEY'RE NOT!"
And I wrote the Narrator's part along the same lines/style as Roald Dahl's "Revolting Rhymes", so that's chock full of bad gags and forced rhymes too. In fact there's a single entendre about gags and gagging in there too but I can't recall it off the top of my head.
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Evil Queen Evil: "Have you seen where the best years of my life have gone, children?"
Audience: "THEY'RE BEHIND YOU!!!"
EQE: "Pantomimes are full of contradictions, aren't they children?"
A: "OH NO THEY'RE NOT!"
And I wrote the Narrator's part along the same lines/style as Roald Dahl's "Revolting Rhymes", so that's chock full of bad gags and forced rhymes too. In fact there's a single entendre about gags and gagging in there too but I can't recall it off the top of my head.
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